Excerpts from Beyond the Bog
Do you know how most people come up with their dream list?
I’ve never really thought about it.
They gamble. They guess at what will bring them contentment. It’s really nothing more than a guess. Often they think that other people will look up to them if they have this or are able to do that. Or they may strive to attain something because they see it as a measure of success. Or they see someone else enjoying something and think that maybe they’d enjoy having it too. People find various ways of filling their dream list. And many spend years unsuccessfully pursuing those illusive dreams or they get what they set out for but find it hasn’t led to happiness.
Yeah, we’ve already talked about that.
But you don’t have to gamble. You see, most people pick what they believe will make them happy without knowing for sure whether it will or it won’t. They’re just grasping at straws. They fill their list with possibilities and then set out to see if these things will give them the happiness and contentment they’re seeking. And think of all the time that’s slipping by while they’re waiting. I’ve just shown you how to avoid this and attract the things that will give you the feelings and sensations you’d like to have all the time. Which way do you want to determine your future path?
The way you’ve suggested.
That way takes you to the things that will add to your contentment. You’ll be so far ahead of most people. You now possess knowledge most people never discover. Use it!
But you’re telling me to forget about my dream list and just focus on being happy.
Somehow I can’t imagine being happy without having some of the things on my dream list.
The problem you’re having is that you’re falling into the trap most people do. You’re counting on your dreams to pull you towards the contentment you’re seeking instead of counting on the feeling of contentment you can create right now to pull you towards the things that will continue to elicit this emotion.
All right. Now let’s go back to where we were a few minutes ago. I had suggested we consider how you could make a positive difference in other people’s lives and in the world around you and you questioned how this would benefit you. That was a fair question . . . one that needed to be asked. Everything we’ve taken on so far has been for the purpose of getting you out of the bog and taking you to a place that will bring you more joy. This concept – making a difference in other people’s lives and in the world around you – is not necessary to pull you out of the bog but I believe it is necessary if you want to experience true joy in your new life. It’s one of the keys to helping you feel vibrant and worthwhile. It will give your life a sense of purpose and meaning I believe you don’t have right now and won’t have without it. And it will help to keep you from slipping back into that bog. Those feelings you experienced when you helped your friend and the little boy . . . those feelings come from being involved in some meaningful way in the world around you.
What makes you so sure that being involved in this way with the world around me is so necessary?
Well, for one thing, I speak from personal experience. I know what it’s like to feel a sort of hollowness, a vacuum, a purposelessness, a sense that something’s missing during periods in my life when I’ve been completely self absorbed and emotionally disconnected with the world around me.
I’m familiar with those feelings too. I have them a lot of the time.
Anytime I’ve done something for a worthwhile cause or for someone else as an individual – like you did for your friend and the little boy – I’ve felt a sense of joy and well being. The feeling of aloneness I was experiencing would go away and I’d feel connected to the people and the world around me. That connectedness produced much happier emotions than I’d experienced when I was just wrapped up in my own little world and wasn’t reaching out to anyone else.
I guess those were the emotions I felt when I helped my friend and the little boy. I didn’t analyze them or even give them much thought at the time but now that I think about it, I can see that I felt more alive and energetic . . . and helpful . . . than I normally do. Yeah, now that I think about it, it was a good feeling . . . especially the part about being of some use to someone besides myself.
Do you know what just occurred to me? Do you know A Christmas Carol written by Charles Dickens? The one about Ebenezer Scrooge being visited in the night by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future?
Yeah.
Can you remember how miserable and crotchety old Scrooge was before his experiences with the ghosts and how joyful and full of life he was the next day when he became so generous and began reaching out to other people and helping them?
Yeah, I remember that.
That’s the contrast in emotions I’m trying to convey. I know people who are more or less like the ‘old’ Scrooge. They’re miserable and crotchety most of the time. There’s very little real joy in their lives and they keep searching for ways to find it . . . through things they buy and things they do for themselves. They’re totally caught up in their own little world and they’re not interested in reaching out to anyone else. And I also know people who are like the ‘new’ Scrooge. They’re always reaching out to help someone else or improve their world, whether it’s with a kind word, helping out at the food bank, or visiting a sick friend. They’re connected to the world around them in a selfless way instead of being totally consumed with their own lives. Those individuals appear to me to feel like the ‘new’ Scrooge. They’re energetic and happy.
David Kowalski is stuck. He feels as though he’s in a bog from which he cannot pull himself free. He uses words like “frustrated”, “helpless”, “hopeless”, “discouraged”, “agitated”, and “desperate” to describe how he feels most of the time. BEYOND THE BOG chronicles sixteen weeks of conversations between David and his life coach who provides a strategy David can use to pull himself out of the bog and give him a chance at a life of contentment he has sought but never experienced. This effective yet easy-to-follow strategy can help anyone in David’s shoes.
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